Bush's Bible Study

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George Bush ran to the mailbox, it was spring in D.C., and he had waited his six to eight weeks for delivery on his secret package. He burned with anticipation every day waiting for his treasure to arrive, not telling a soul of it. Today was the day, it was here, the box was wrapped in white paper and on it read a return address from Revelation Ministries. He carefully opened the wrapper as not to rip the delicate white paper he deemed to be holy paper, probably blessed and cleansed by god, he thought. Lifting the lid off of the box, he nimbly pulled away the bubble wrap that contained his dear gift. He found himself popping the bubble wrap, he could not control himself as he went row by row,pop, pop, pop, pop. Then a moment of self awareness struck him, what are you doing wasting time popping these bubbles individually he thought, he threw the bubble wrap down on the sidewalk and proceeded to jump up and down on the packing material until he had decimated all the remaining bubbles. The Secret service hated this quirk of W's, the first time he was jumping on bubble wrap they thought he was under fire and serpentining to avoid a gunshot. Now it was second nature to them, the agents had to take training classes to differentiate from the sounds of popping plastic bubbles and gunfire. George then reached into the box, the first item he grabbed was a bumper sticker that read," CAUTION.... When Rapture Comes, This Vehicle Will Be Unmanned!" Bush loved that sticker and wanted one the first time he saw it, he thought how cool it would be to get sucked up into heaven and have is Limo run over a few of the non-believers. "Hell, that'll show them damned heathens!" he thought. He placed the sticker off to the side and grabbed his beacon of light, the prize which he had been waiting for, the comic book of the end days titled," Rapture Comics". He had been collecting the comic series put out by the church so he could learn all about the last days. This week's issue was,"The Whore of Babylon strikes!" Damn he loved these books, they make it so easy to learn bout' the bible. As he walked up the stairs he saw Dick Cheney, Dick looked down at the comic and asked George bluntly," George, you expanding your reading skills to a higher level?" Bush then said proudly,"Hell yeah, I am reading about a part of the bible that is probably gonna happen in 2 or 3 years." Dick then told Bush how proud he was of him to move up from Marmaduke comics to something more advanced. Dick patted him on the back and told him to go inside and take a few days off to read his book, and that he, Cheney would take care of everything like usual. Bush skipped away and then ran up the stairs, locked the door to the bedroom and fell beside the bed onto the floor and pulled a pillow up to his chest as he lay on his belly. He stared at the cover
hypnotized by it, he opened the first page.

Bush loved Revelations and stories of the apocalypse, he felt like it was his duty to try and ready god,s house so that the Rapture could come in his lifetime. It was the one thing Bush had done extremely well during his presidency. Laura Bush jiggled the door and managed to unlock it, she walked in and saw George was reading is Last Days comic book. Laura calmly and with great repose asked W if he realized that Revelations was an allegory for the Battle of the Megado fields and that it had actually taken place thousands of years ago. She told George that it was just a historical lesson on the elements to multi nation war, to be studied as a warning to the destruction that war brings. George laughed and Laura knew that she had used too many big words.

George read his comic book soaking in every word he could understand, the others he just made up meanings for, a tactic that he found useful his whole life. Laura left him in his silent study and thought about her life and what would it had been like if she actually had traveled the road not taken. That was her regret, she knew that life offered more than sluggish talk with her husband about brush needing to be cleared and weeds poppin' up in the yard. She dreamed of the days of beat poets and men dressed in black whom would seduce the English language like a goddess, words and rhythm falling off the tongue like honey, men that actually read books of substance. the young men that would come into the library and check out Faulkner, Steinbeck, and Shakespeare. Oh they would ask her out but she was too shy, and always self conscious. How a man like George became her husband had always been a mystery to everyone that knew her, but not to the rabbit that died after that drunken night in the roadhouse with an awol pilot.

George read his comic cover to cover, then got down by the toilet and started to pray. He said in his most humble tone he could muster,"Dear Jesus, I know you're a busy dude but I got a couple of requests and I think you owe me a few for all the work I have done in your name, hell I killed at least 30,000 heathen Iraqi's. About that Katrina thing I am sure if you had wanted to save those people you could have, they must not have been good Christians the way I figure. My mistake was thinkin' you was gonna perform a miracle after the storm, that's why I waited. I didn't want to step on your glory, but I figure you felt "those" people probably had it comin and needed a little sufferin to keep them humble." "Well anyway I called you today to ask for you to make the people love me again, they say I am the most hated president since Hoover. I need you to spread a little of your Jesus magic dust on me to win back the support of the people. I have to start the apocalypse so the world will be rid of the sinners, and I am having a hard time doing it now, half the party is against me too. I don't want to come off like a Hitler about this Jew thing, so you gotta try and influence them all back to the holy land so it can all start. They are your people, hell you was a Rabbi, so you know em' better than I do. So if you could do those things for me I will make sure that I give you props on it, like I did on the invasion of Iraq. We showed them heathens a thing or two, didn't we? One more thing, could you not tell Laura about this, she thinks we need to pray for peace and love and all that crap." "Well big guy, thanks and tell your old man that the W-man says hey." Bush then got up and felt relieved. He was pumped and filled with vigor , like he had been struck by some Jesus energy beam. Just then smoke wafted in and the air tempature became excruciatingly hot, Bush started to sweat, off in the distance the sounds of souls in torment could be heard screaming, but only at a whisper level. Around the corner walked in Dick Cheney,"Hey "W", Dick said smugly," I just talked with our holy father and he said that he can grant you those wishes, but it will require some more blood. You know a contract is a contract." " Also you have to unify completely with the atheistic society of China. Basically sell the soul of the U.S. to them, as yours was to the holy one." "Well hell Dick," Bush said with a great grin that went ear to ear, I am already ahead of you on that, Hu is comin back Monday to talk about China ownin' our Banks and Debt." Everything is in it's place Dick thought, and told his minion,"Good job George, you will destroy this world as we know it."

Bush thought, "And the citizens say I am a do nothing president, I'll show em', I'll show em' all!"