When Rummy Cries

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Warm winds blew softly carrying the new smell of blossoming cherry trees. The scent of Lilacs hung in the dewy morning wafting and intermingling with the essence of the cherry blossoms. Don's eyes were tearing up, Scott McClellan spying Rummy said with assurance," Don don't cry, the press isn't going to bite on what the Generals have to say, we've got great spin on this, you will be golden after today!" "Why you simpering maggot, it is the hayfever that is making my eyes water, goddamned flowers are killing me." Rummy said in a trite tone. "Let's just get this f#$king charade over with so I can go back to the office and crack out on the last level of Grand Theft Auto." McClellan was surprised at Rummy's apathy towards the upcoming firing squad of reporters he had to face. "You know I made it through San Andreas without any cheats, let's see those Generals do that." Rummy was letting his ego talk " I will beat the game in a record 8 hours." Scott knew it was an out and out lie, it had been 9 months Don had been playing that game, ignoring meetings and constantly ditching out on key military briefings. Rummy had become obsessed when Ashcroft tried to ban the game, Rummy took it home started playing and was hooked. He really loved the fact that he could beat prostitutes to death with a baseball bat, that was his favorite feature of the game.
The press conference was brutal, Rummy was a thesaurus of explainations , all meaning "I don't know." He made it through the day suffering the slings and arrows of his detractors. Inside his mind he thought, " That stupid rube has got to fire me now, how much longer do I have to take this punishment, I feel like the middle child always rewriting what Cheney and Bush say to each other. " Rummy thought about dark skinned ladies in grass skirts with the sounds of Don Ho gently streaming in the background, the sound of the ocean waves in his mind mezmerized him, so much so he could smell coconut sun tan lotion and salty air. He was calm again and knew it was time to head back and finish what he had started so long ago, the final level on Grand Theft Auto. It was the only thing he had been avble to do in years with out wandering eyes and monday morning quarterbacks, and that moment was all his. No one would ever come between the special time he had between he and his Ps2. Bush was an X-Box guy, but Rummy was a loyal man not willing to trade off for the first newfangled thing to come along, like lightweight body armor. A piece of gum stuck to his shoe and left a rotted tail of gum stretched out and like a tentacle it was picking up leaves and wrappers, carrying them along with every stride of his shoes movement. The rain poured harder, it fell in hard sheets, Rummy was soaked but nothing was going to stop him from "His" time. Which was about 23 hours out of the 24 . He strolled into his office and saluted a photo of his idol, Mr. GreenJeans. No one knew the reason for Don's strange affinity towards the former Captain Kangaroo star, and no one wanted to ask. He threw his wet coat on the back of a Lazy Boy recliner, then grabbed a bag of hot dogs, turkey flavored. He threw the hot dogs into a microwave, then sat down and turned on his electronic mayhem. He told the secretary that he was not to be disturbed unless it was urgent, and he would be in meetings all day


A phone call came into Rummy's office, Don picked it up on the first ring. He was hoping it was Publishers Clearing House, he had tried for 27 years to win that contest, now that McMahon was no longer associated with it he felt he had a better chance of winning. "You may have already won" was the slogan of PCH and Don had adopted it to his politics. It was one that he used in the Iraq campaign consistently when speaking to the Pentagon. The phone call was just to notify Don that Scott was leaving. "That guy is nothing but pantywaste," Don huffed,"McClellan stumbled more than a one legged drunk during those press conferences." Don searched his mind for the good times they had together, he couldn't think of one. "I won't miss that weasel," Don told his aide," In fact, all that guy did was make us look bad, he was the Pillsbury Dough Boy with the smoothness of a crack addicted birthday clown." Just then 'W" came to the door,"Donny boy, I need your help!" he said out of breath. "I am meeting with Presidente' Hu from China and I need to know how to keep my ratings from dropping into the basement." Don tried to not think linear and approach this situation like Nixon would, Dick knew how to deal with the Maoist regime and kept them at bay. " First, you must not let them push you around, the Chinese respect an adversary who is their superior, then you tell them nothing is in stone and we will run that by our committees before we make any decision, approach them like that and you will be able to look good on camera, and strong." Don gave George good advise. Bush then turned and sighed,"Well if you don't know, then I will just tell him were friends and he can have anything he wants as long as we are allies." He walked out like a kid who was not quite dressed and late for church. Rummy just shook his head and went back to his game, Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas. The sound of machine gun fire broke out as the game was unpaused. The figure on the t.v. pulled out a machine gun and answered the call then jumped on a motor cycle spraying every object in sight. Don was in his element, staying frosty for those urban attack strategy meetings with the Pentagon. Then his bliss was interrupted, Rummy's aide wanted to know if he was going to Scott's going away party. Scott thought about it,"Is it going to cost anything?" " No," the aide said quizzically. Rummy then asked if the food was going to be catered by D.C. Catering, when he got the yes, he was in. "I love their brisquit, it melts in your mouth," he spoke as his mind wandered to the mouth watering texture and taste of the best brisquit in the nation. Rummy then came up with a brainstorm, "Hey, call Cheney, tell him we need to get Fox News to replace McClellan, with them in there we are sure to look good." "I am on it .", the aide said. Don thought the day would be a bad one, but it was all on the up now and there was no turning back.