Ingraham finds her way

When she was young, other girls were making dates with boys, drinking Old Style beer, hanging out at bonfires and listening to rock and dance music. Not so with Laura, she was dressing up in her candy striper outfit, brushing her hair in a tight pony-tail and applying her Bonnie Belle lip gloss. Then, topping off her work ensemble she applied generous doses of Charlie perfume. She loved her job at the nursing home, it was a state ran facility, and it was not ran well. Laura Ingraham knew that parties and boys were o.k. for other girls, but not for her. A devout conformist, Ingraham knew that in order to function with ones demons it should be done in the shadows of life. It was not right how girls went around empowering themselves by asking boys out, driving their own cars and joining sports teams, she felt that these were the downfall of true womanhood, no, girls must be like her mother taught her to be, sweet on the surface. Appearances are everything, but what no one sees you do is your business, unless you are one of those homos and then there was no place for you she concluded. She waited outside on a sunny Saturday afternoon for the bus. When it arrived she boarded with caution, she wanted to claim a seat right away without having to sit with " those people."

"Those people" were o.k. enough for fighting our wars for us, and for cleaning our gyms and offices, but she longed for the old days. "I am not a racist," she thought," but this whole bussing thing is something they needed to fix, it was uncomfortable sitting next to one of "those men". Horrible thoughts always permeated her mind when she was near them, "I know someday, they will take me into the alley and rape me to death!" she shuddered as she tried not to let the fear overtake her. Meanwhile a young black man sat on the bus , his mind was racing, nervous about his promotion at work, he was hoping the guys would respect him enough to listen to him now that he was their supervisor . It is not easy , he thought, I have been friends with all of them for a few years and I don't want to be a bad boss, but I know business is business and if they are my friends they will understand that and make his transition smooth. He reaffirmed his doubts with calm thoughts about his qualifications and how hard he worked for this spot, night classes at the college, state tests, safety courses and extra hours filling in when no one else would. Laura Ingraham spotted the young man and knew instantly he was thinking of raping her, "I can see it in his eyes! He is staring out the window trying to act like I am not here, but when I get off at my stop he will probably jump me and drag me into the bushes. She stared at the man with a lot on his mind the whole bus ride. By the end of the ride she was sure of his sexual vendetta against white women, however she was greatly disappointed when he got off 2 stops earlier than hers,"He works at a construction company?" "Well I suppose they need janitors too." she hypothesized. The young man never once looked at her, quickly she assumed that he must have been gay, why else would not even look at her.

The bus stopped right in front of the nursing home, the bus driver told her to have a nice day, she ignored him. She knew about blue collar men and their lack of intelligence, and that all they do is drink beer, knock up their uneducated wives and watch football instead of going to church. The idea of such a cretin telling her to have a nice day was implausible, how dare he speak to me. She walked into the nursing home and the smell quickly overtook her, she loved this smell. Once the unique, malodious scent drifted up into her sinus cavities her heart started to race, and her face grew flush. It was the smell of death, defecation, and bleach, it was like a pheromone that caused confusing emotions to stir within. She walked down the hall and looked inside Jack O'Brians room. The once great right wing McCarthyist lay dying, his skin was ashen grey, he struggled for breath. Laura walked in, her mind let flow an opiate release of lusting thoughts for this man whom tried to destroy liberals in his day. She sat next to him and asked,"Jack do you remember me, your little Angel?" Jack then hacked up a blob of brown goo that shot out of his mouth like a comet with an elastic band attached. It snapped back on his chin. Laura Ingraham looked to see if anyone was about, they usually weren't. The place was so underfunded that it was basically a body bin. A place where people were sent to die. Ingraham loved that about this place, it gave her great power to do whatever she wanted. She looked at O'Brian with longing, not in a sexual way, it went deeper than that, it was idealistic. She wanted to hover over him and breathe his exhaled air. She slowly climbed over him and keeping her lips just far enough apart as not to touch, but close enough to inhale every exhaled breath he let loose. His gums were rotting and filled her mouth with a scent of rotting hamburger , curdled buttermilk and stale cigars. She felt his clammy skin beneath her and his cold sweat absorbed into her skin. This was heaven she thought, a moment like this was not man made, it was God's way of showing his love for her. Just then a nurse came in,"Laura, what the hell are you doing?" she asked in a tenative tone that revealed impatience over anger. "I was just checking his breathing," she said as she turned to the RN, the brown spittle that O'Brian had expectorated onto his chin was now running down her cheek. The RN told her to get moving and help bathe the residents over in Hallway C. Laura Ingraham smiled and thanked the nurse, she told Jack that she would be back later to see him, Jack lay there without response, he hadn't communicated in years and was diagnosed to be parially comatose, but Hearst had given him just enough money to lay in state and not receive proper treatment. Which later would be determined as a sort of karmic action by all that knew him, except Laura.

25 years later Ingraham thought of that beautiful moment shared between she and her Idol. She sat in the green room at the Today show on NBC. " What would Jack do? " she to herself as she scrambled to come out with an approach to the negative facts against her heroes , Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Bush plus Rove. Jack was able to drive a man to suicide, I know he would want me to follow in his path for my leaders. That was it! It was like a ray of light from god had engulfed her. She took her place across from Matt Laurer and told him that the press needs to go into all the areas of conflict in Iraq and report all the news, 80 dead journalist weren't enough. All the leftist journalist must die, this way there would never be bad press again on the Administration. It was brilliant she thought, humiliate the press with lies and false facts, humiliate them so much they would kill themselves from enemy fire in Iraq, she was flush again with that same erotic feeling she got from her breathing exercise with Jack O'Brian. After the appearance was over she patted herself on the back and gave a fond remembrance to the man that drove Don Hollenbeck to suicide, and with reflective thought she realized, the student hath surpassed the Master.